something i need to get off my chest.

I can’t believe you can be so wrong about someone, the one person who is supposed to actually care and you find out it was one big lie. For once although i didn’t feel the same way i actually thought someone was in love with me but would the person that loved you let you leave? in my opinion they wouldn’t, they wouldn’t turn to you and ask ‘what the fuck is wrong with you now’ when you’re clearly upset and it’s them who are always in a mood not yourself, they wouldn’t let you storm out of the car and not run after you, they wouldn’t let you walk home by yourself especially round a rough area like mine to be followed by two men in a car. But you know the worst part? he was ‘looking for me’ and yet he drove straight past me. That makes me laugh because everyone knows if you are in love you know exactly where that person is, you notice them no matter how unclearly visible they are, you can spot them from a mile. I’m being punished for not loving someone back but how can i love such an ugly person? I may sound a bitch there but i’m not talking about physicality wise i’m talking about the inner person, the inner you is ugly and i hate you. You were like a brother to me, protected me when i needed you, made sure i was looked after, if i ever needed a cuddle you’d give me one and listen to my day, that’s a bestfriend. Not someone who turns around and says ‘you hurt me so i’m going to hurt you’ just because i told you for the past 2 years that i didn’t feel the same way instead of leading you on and telling you later. Not someone who expects me to listen to all their stories and then when it comes to me you just focus on the cigarette burning in your hand or what song you want on next on the radio. Not someone who would care more about anything else than their bestfriend just because they think they dont care, i never said that i didn’t care, i never said that i didn’t love you, i may hate you at times but you can’t love everything about a person, no ones perfect. I want you to treat me how you used too, the only reason i changed the way i treated you was because you treat me like shit. Like i’m nothing, i’m always there for you even if i’m angry i have never not been there but you’ve had your absences. You haven’t always been there for me especially the one time i needed you the most and i’ll never forgive you for that. I don’t dictate to you at all i ask you nicely unless i’m quite pissed off with you and you say yes on your own accord. I don’t stick a gun to your head, i may say something if you’re being an ass about it but i don’t tell you to take me here there and everywhere, i just ask you could you take me to see MY girls. You get your life why can’t i have mine? i actually got my life sorted out and you’ve ruined almost every aspect of that and now you’re telling me you need to clear your head when again i need you the most? if you do that it’s fine but don’t expect the door to be open for when you come back. You’re not welcome in my life if you leave me when i need you not this time, and no i’m not ‘dictating’ to you, i’m proving to you how much you’ve hurt me in the past year, and i’m not standing for it anymore. You’ve got an easy life, try mine.